by runiteking1
Beijing (Nutters) - Officials of the United States Olympics Committee (USOC) has filed a complaint with the International Olympics Committee against China for providing "genetically super-powered yams" to Jamaica.
The USOC points to almost undeniable evidence that, to gain the gold medal advantage, China has teamed up with Jamaica to produce Usain Bolt, the gold medal winner of the 100 meter and the 200 meter sprint.
"I mean, it's just not possible for a dude that tall to run so fast! I mean, if you even stare at his legs for a while, humans of all ages will be rolling on their floor due to seizures," says Don Ellenfeld, spokesperson for the USA Track and Field.
The method that China has helped with Jamaica is still under discussion and investigation by the USOC and the IOC. The top culprit is the "super yams" produced in Jamaica who Bolt's dad associate with Bolt's massive success at these games. China has denied all charges against them for assisting Jamaica with producing "these super-duper-loaded yams with-like-extra-Nerds-candy-so-the-intended user-looks-like-a-clown-and-will-be-loved-by-everyone."
The obvious side effects of the super yams is the amazing speed of the user, which is demonstrated by both sweep of the 100 meter men and woman's gold by Jamaica. But the much less obvious side effect is the increase of "coolness factor" of the male user by increasing their natural hormones. You can see this from his worship of shoes to increase his "coolness factor."
While previous allegations against China for using the Olympics "as a trap for sure" (see BBC video below) is now proved false, or otherwise fallen out of people's mind as they watch hot girls on the volleyball cheerleading squad, the US has insisted that this yam thing is for realz.
(Note: The video seems not to be working at all, click on the link to go to actual player)
The Beijing Olympics: Are They A Trap?
While not as big as this yam thing, the USOC has also filed a complaint for installing "shaky-thing-like-those-found-in-those-installed-in-fake-gum-shocky-thing" inside the batons of the men's and women's 400M relays.
"I mean how else would our steroids loaded atheletes drop those batons? I mean, it's a @#$@ing stick!" yelled Don at our 14 year old, state-sponsored reporter. "Also, those hurdles which has pneumatic motors installed in them and goes up when an American approaches is also being investigated." Of course, Don is referring to the last hurdle in which Lolo Jones tripped. "But our other runners got them, ha!"
The Chinese has also filed charges against the US swim team for human rights violation due to the excessive amounts Micheal Phelps eats. "I mean, what he eats in one day can feed 10 of our little gymnasts for like a week!" yelled Guo Lingdan of China. "It's torture to stuff down that much food into one person one you can spread the food for the greater good of the people!"-runiteking1
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