The Great Behind

One of my many AIM status' today was "An inconvenient assumption." The problem with that though, is that it's a bit long for most people... this is what happens when the window gets a bit TOO small:

Look for the Marshmallow thing. Now is there a story involved with my giant behind? Sure there is!

Once upon a Silicon Valley start-up, there was small programmer named Marshmallow. Of course, being the great computer programmer that he is, he felt like going through AP Computer Science just because he wanted some extra practice on his amazing analytical skills (remember our protagonist is still in high school, but works for an evil child laborer).

At first, he laughed through the "modules" breezing through them at ease. Then tragedy struck. The Nao-Nao bunny started to give Marshmallow some trig problems that he loved. And you know what happens when Marshmallow sees a trig problem: hair starts falling.

He worked day and night to solve this one trig problem WHILE doing the now long and slightly intense challenge programs. It wasn't working well... instead of typing:

public class MathProblem {
    public static void main(String args[]) {
    ....
    }
}

Marshmallow typed:

pubbs claws mathProlk, {

    publiic statistic boi man {strint arg[]) {

    ...

   }

}

Uh-oh....

Marshmallow started to fall back in AP Comp Sci while his Web 2.0 company was getting hit hard by the declining stock market. He had no where to go. He considered his choices:

1. Sell his company to the tyrannical Microsoft
2. Get adopted by Angelina Jolie
3. Buy another programmer from Facebook
4. Declare bankruptcy while storing money to an offshore bank, then move to the Bahamas, open a giant hotel and smuggle drugs for a living.
5. Stop eating real meals
   

Somehow, number 5 looked the most promising as the picture of Sarah Palin and a dead deer keeps on popping up around the internet. He puked at the sight of the deer, due to his weak stomach from eating too many nacho and cheese + Red bull.

He stopped eating meals. Just Hot Pockets and Red Bull. After awhile, his once little butt started getting and bigger (but he was getting his programming and math done!!!)...

His last AIM status was recorded by fauntress, noticing that he didn't update his Facebook, Twitter, Friendster, OR his AIM account in several minutes. Too embarrsed to say "help me, I'm stuck in my chair and there's OJ Simpson right behind me!" he gave a more subtle approach. Unfortunately, no one caught on, and he died of heat exahustion as he tried popping himself out of the seat.

OJ was tried but found not guilty.

The epitaph on Marshmallow's graph:

An inconvenient ass(umption)

-runiteking1

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