Sunday, February 1, 2009

Barack Obama's Affect on Robberies

Seems like Obama's new presidency has another affect upon America. By the extraordinary amounts of stupid robberies, it seems like Obama has decreased the IQ of some common robbers. Of course, another theory is that after Bush rejoined us (the normal citizens), he automatically dropped the average IQ of the entire population by several points.

1.  Heavyset ninja robs ATM: A ninja failing at stealing an ATM machine? Not possible...

The thief may be wearing a ninja outfit, but he does not appear to be of the same physical stature as martial arts legends Bruce Lee or Sonny Chiba. Surveillance footage shows the heavyset man has a noticeable pot belly.

2.  Point the Hole AT your target: Obviously this person missed the first day of Mace Spray 101, point the little holey thing away from yourself...

As the robber was leaving the office, Christiansen said, he pulled out pepper spray and pushed the button. But the nozzle was pointed the wrong direction. The spray hit him in the face.

3. Do your research: So, you've got everything set up for a robbery. The getaway route, your ski mask, your weapon of choice... then you get there, and found out there's no money. Instead your bank has turned into the water district office...

Police in Kentucky said an attempted armed robber left a former bank without any loot after finding the facility had been converted to a water district office.
Doh....

4. Waiting in line to rob a bank: Now, using the previous scenario,  imagine you actually got to a bank. You go in and begin the heist by waiting in line. Wait... by staying in line while wearing a ski mask in a bank?
An Ohio man may have tipped off his intentions when he stood in line at a bank wearing a ski mask before staging a holdup. [...]
Police say the teller asked the man to take off the mask before being served. The man displayed what turned out to be a toy gun and demanded money from the teller. He made off with an undisclosed amount.
-runiteking1

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