Driving, the act of it anyways, is trivial for most teens now. All the people in my generation played one of those arcade racing games and some (like your's truly) went even further by purchasing a wheel and pedal set so I can play it at home.
Of course, this has several consequences:
Teens now can basically drive the moment they get into a car
Teens now like to speed a butt-load
Teens parking skills are something to be looked upon like a plague
Numbers one and two can't really be addressed by racing games but three can be. So instead of Need for Speed Pro Steet game, it'll be Need for Proking! Guaranteed to improve your parking skills in thirty-two simple levels.
A few months ago, I stated an apparently obvious fact to my fellow Facebookers: "The word bed kind of looks like a bed." Apparently, everybody knew that fact or heard it way before I did.
The other logical things that look like what it means is obviously emoticons. If you show the symbol
:-)
to a caveman, he or she would instantly know that it's a human smiling. In fact, one of the first emoticons ever recorded is in a speech by Lincoln. In the speech, Lincoln put in parenthesis "applause and laughter ;)." There's a people that says that the ;) was actually a typo, and even though that may be true, I would like to think of Lincoln as the champion of racial rights and the inventor of the smiley face.
The modern smiley face was popularized on September 19, 1982 by a guy named Scott Fahlman. In a post on Carnegie Mellon's message board, he said:
19-Sep-82 11:44 Scott E Fahlman :-)
From: Scott E Fahlman <Fahlman at Cmu-20c>
I propose that the following character sequence for joke markers:
:-)
Read it sideways. Actually, it is probably more economical to mark
things that are NOT jokes, given current trends. For this, use
:-(
Then there are those words that require a bit of imagination, such as shark or llama. The shark is pretty obvious, with the 'k' as the tail and 'h' as the fins. The llama on the other hand, requires a picture:
Such a win of a picture of a llama.
I guess I should go back to my title and tell you what the word "PIE" looks like:
The repentant former KKK leader Johnny Lee Clary explains how Reverend Wade Watts, an NAACP leader, disarmed him by being cool, funny and brave, engaging in some first-rate psy-ops. Be sure to listen through to the end for the chicken story.
Reader's Digest just published the "Best Jokes in the World" in their most recent issue. That got me thinking, how do you really compare jokes. I mean, to me, a simple "TWSS" placed at a right place, with the right people, and at the right time always cracks me up; sometimes more than the jokes listed.
Also, there's the issue of different cultures. Chinese humur is distinctly different from American humor. So is European from SE Asia etc. How do you really compare the "funniest" jokes without understanding a culture first?
Here's a sampling (try to match it to their respective countries):
Due to the recession, to save on energy costs, the light at the endof the tunnel will be turned off. -God
My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy. ONe day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator. Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."
Visiting the countryside on a hunting trip, the well-dressed man from S_____ takes aim and shoots a duck. But the fowl drops into a farmer's field, and the farmer claims it. Since both want it, the farmer suggests settling the dispute with an old fashioned hick-kick. "I kick you as hard as I can in the crotch, then you do the same to me," he explains. "Whoever screams the least gets the bird."
The city man agrees. So the farmer winds up and delivers a crushing blow to the man's privates, and he collapses to the ground. Twenty minutes later, when he finally manages to stand, he gasps, "My turn."
"Nah," says the farmer, turning away. "You can keep the duck."
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: "When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion."
"I found a bear by the stream," says the minister, "and preached God's Holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him."
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. "Looking back," he says, "maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."
Stewie wants everything to be perfect for his anniversary trip to the hotel where he and his wife honeymooned 30 years earlier. So he gets there a day early to make all the arrangements. That night, he e-mails her but misspells the address and it goes to a recent widow.
The next day, the widow's son finds his mother passed out in front of her computer. On the screen is this e-mail: "My darling wife, I've just gotten here and everything's set for your arrival tomorrow. I hope your trip down here will be as pleasant as mine.
"P.S. It's really hot!"
Joe, Mike, Mary, and Tom were talking about their dream jobs. "I want to be a lawyer," Joe began, "so that I can defend my countrymen."
"I want to be a congressman," said Mike, "so I can draft laws to benefit my countrymen." "I want to be a doctor," said Mary, "so that I can cure my countrymen."
"How about you, Tom? What would you like to be?" asked Joe.
Tom thought a moment and replied, "I'd like to be a countryman."
The choices of countries are (in alphabetical order): China, Finland, Philippines, Russia, Sweden,United States
Instead of being original, I've decided to pull off some things from around the nets.
8800 Pennies (just watch):
1 kilometer > 1 mile fail:
This is my grandfather. He died a year ago. He was a b.a.:
There is a bit of a back story on him and this picture as well. During the beginning of WWII he was in the Dutch Mounted Police (and the resistance), he refused to salute a Nazi and was thrown in a concentration camp. He narrowly escaped death when they accidentally let him go free the day before he was to be executed.
He spent the rest of the war in the resistance training new saboteurs and interrogating Nazis. He also apparantly was responsible for saving the lives of several paratroopers during Operation Market Garden by ferrying them across the Rheine in a yellow rubber dinghy.
After the liberation he joined the Stootroepers and thats when this picture was taken. He was the first Dutch army man to arrive in this small town on his motorcycle after the Germans had left and all the women wanted to have their picture taken with him.
He then went on to fight in the Dutch East Indies, for the rest of the war.
After the war he was employed by the Dutch Secret intelligence equivalent performing interrogations on ex-nazis and other enemies of the state. Then during the cold war he had to flee Europe for Canada when apparently the Russians found out the names of the interrogators families and threaten to kill them all.
He spent the rest of his years doing nothing much of importance, well besides raising a family and trying to forgot everything that happened to him.
We only found this all out after he had passed on, before that I just he was a funny old man who had a talent for really wiggling his ears, and a hatred of all types of violence.
I never seen a F-22 figher here in Tallahassee. This is probably due to several things: lack of airforce base in Tallahassee, no prominent population terroist target and the amount of rain. Wait, what? Rain? Yes rain.
The aircraft's radar-absorbing metallic skin is the principal cause of its maintenance troubles, with unexpected shortcomings -- such as vulnerability to rain and other abrasion -- challenging Air Force and contractor technicians since the mid-1990s, according to Pentagon officials, internal documents and a former engineer.
So if a war were to erupt over Bolivia or maybe Venuezela near the rainforests, the F-22 will be essentially too expensive to be put to use. I don't see how the engineers aren't scrambling to redesign that skin. If not, they're pretty much failing.
So while the engineers are redesigning the coating, why not give some funding to much more awesome stuff like a cyborg moth. That's right, instead of Arnold coming back from the future and saving our butts, it might be a random moth. According to Fox News:
Inside it [moth] will be a computer chip that was implanted when the creature was still a pupa, in the cocoon, meaning that the moth's entire nervous system can be controlled remotely.
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”
No, the title is not some form of insult. Yes, the title is an actual street name.
Here's the article by Inquisitr:
Residents in Conisbrough, England have changed the name of their street after deciding that Butt Hole Road no longer appealed to them.
The name, despite its modern meaning, was given to the street hundred of years ago, and is named after a communal water butt.
Resident Peter Sutton told The Daily Mail that “he originally thought the street’s name would be fun - but admits he soon got tired of the jokes.” The paper also noted that the street had become a tourist attraction, particularly popular with Americans.
The street formerly known as Butt Hole Road is now known as the far less interesting Archers Lane.
Well, duh, of course it'll be very popular with American tourists. The pop culture bang of it is amazing if a street was named "Butt Hole Ln" in the USA. And imagine if someone such as ... I don't know... Britney Spears decided to live there. Hilarity would ensue.
Love music? Love pork? Love the French? Then you'll LOVE the pig organ invented by King Louis XI of France.
You see, it's quite simple and ingenious idea. Since every swine has a slightly different pitch, one has to just find the right combination of pigs to put in a row to get a "musical instrument" together.
"The Abbot of Baigne, a man of great wit, and who had the art of inventing new musical instruments, being in the service of Louis XI, king of France, was ordered by that prince to get him a concert of swine's voices, thinking it impossible. The abbot was not surprised, but asked for money for the performance, which was immediately delivered him; and he wrought a thing as singular as ever was seen. For out of a great number of hogs, of several ages, which he got together, and placed under a tent or pavillion, covered with velvet, before which he had a table of wood, painted, with a certain number of hogs, he made an organical instrument, and as he played upon the said keys, with little spikes which pricked the hogs he made them cry in such order and consonance, as highly delighted the king and all his company."
Too bad animal rights regulations won't allow us to listen to the wonderful sound of the pigan (pig organ... get it?) once again.
Similarly, boing boing has posted about a cat piano...
Take a look at my newest email spam that GMail didn't catch, just read through it....
Hey there runiteking1,
Valentine's Day is upon us, so for the next couple weeks we're sending people REVERSE matches. This newsletter contains users who will probably like you. As for whether you'll like them, we’re putting it at 10%.
New Around Blah BLah land Florida, United States
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Cartersville, Georgia, United States
well i dont really know what to put on here...soo hello my name is kelly ill be 21 in march. i have a son who will be turning 2 this year. i like to think i am a fun person to be around most of the time, but i have my serious side when it needs to be there. well i just dont know what else to put...
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Melbourne, Florida, United States
I am 20 years old and am sorta playing around with this online thing. I love to just be me. I work and hang out. I'm pretty much up for just about anything. But I do draw the line at drugs and stuff. Never done it never will. I love my family and friends very much. So hit me up
Seems like Obama's new presidency has another affect upon America. By the extraordinary amounts of stupid robberies, it seems like Obama has decreased the IQ of some common robbers. Of course, another theory is that after Bush rejoined us (the normal citizens), he automatically dropped the average IQ of the entire population by several points.
The thief may be wearing a ninja outfit, but he does not appear to be of the same physical stature as martial arts legends Bruce Lee or Sonny Chiba. Surveillance footage shows the heavyset man has a noticeable pot belly.
2. Point the Hole AT your target: Obviously this person missed the first day of Mace Spray 101, point the little holey thing away from yourself...
As the robber was leaving the office, Christiansen said, he pulled out pepper spray and pushed the button. But the nozzle was pointed the wrong direction. The spray hit him in the face.
3. Do your research: So, you've got everything set up for a robbery. The getaway route, your ski mask, your weapon of choice... then you get there, and found out there's no money. Instead your bank has turned into the water district office...
Police in Kentucky said an attempted armed robber left a former bank without any loot after finding the facility had been converted to a water district office.
Doh....
4. Waiting in line to rob a bank: Now, using the previous scenario, imagine you actually got to a bank. You go in and begin the heist by waiting in line. Wait... by staying in line while wearing a ski mask in a bank?
An Ohio man may have tipped off his intentions when he stood in line at a bank wearing a ski mask before staging a holdup. [...]
Police say the teller asked the man to take off the mask before being served. The man displayed what turned out to be a toy gun and demanded money from the teller. He made off with an undisclosed amount.
One great reason for learning the dead language of Latin? So you can figure out random palindromes out of people's name. In this instance, our new President Barack Obama.
If we flip the last name of our new leader, making amabo, which in Latin means "I shall love."
Now putting these two together, we make "I shall love Obama."
Of course there are things wrong with this (wrong gender, wrong case and the imperfect tense is weird... I probably missed something else too), but wouldn't it be awesome if YOUR name could do that?
Do you like... meat? Or how about that juicy, tasty Whopper? Then Burger King has the right cologne for you!
Wait... what! Burger King?
This cologne is "the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broilled meat," the perfect companion for when you feel that eating that 1000 calories Whopper STILL won't satisfy you. Or maybe just to impress/chase away that nice lady who hates/loves PETA.
The thing even has a website, nicely named firemeetsdesire.com. The moment you enter the website, some nice seductive music pops on with the spray being in the midst of it all.
Next thing you now, roses pop out of nowhere to fill the screen...
The only thing that's missing is the King lying down there seductively:
We all had those moments in life. You know, when you're having the pretty cool conversation with your buddy and then a person comes in and interjects "that's what she said"/"your mom" into your dialogue.
I have to wonder, where does it really come from?
Evolution from the British phrase "Said the actress to the bishop" is probably the closest relative. Though this phrase is 1. British and 2. Obsolete, it still carries the same amount of bang back in the day:
Person A: "It doesn't usually leak this much."
Person B: "...as the actress said to the bishop!"
The origins of this phrase is not really that given, with dates ranging from Edwardian days to Ian Fleming's 007 (which is probably wrong).
There is a book titled "That's What She Said" by Rayna Green (from the year 1984), but the thing is, its about "contemporary poetry and fiction by Native American women"... not exactly what we want do we?
The first time this phrase was widely used was in 1992, in the SNL's Wayne's World sketch:
Not very funny is it? Isn't the Office so much better? Yes indeed...:
Now for the phrase "you mom."
It was quite easy to pin down the origins for this one: Shakespear (saucy fellow...) in two instances too.
Timon of Athens: Act 1, Scene 1 Line 230
Painter: You're a dog
Apemantus: Thy mother's of my generation: what's she, if I be a dog?
Titus Andronicus: Act 4, Scene 2
Demetrius: Villain, what hast thou done?
Aaron: That which thou canst not undo.
Chiron: Thou hast undone our mother.
Aaron: Villain, I have done thy mother.
